New Year is the perfect time to reflect on the previous year and look forward to the new year ahead.
So many of us make New Year’s resolutions...but is that the most effective way of moving forward into the year ahead? or is it setting you up to fail before the year has even started?
Too often a New Year’s resolution comprises of giving something up or challenging yourself, in ways that you have never managed before, but feel that the pressure of the new year, is the time to add a burden onto yourself on day one!
This, in my opinion is not the way to move forward into the new year with a positive outlook of things to come.
So how do we go about moving into the New year, without setting ourselves up to fail and achieve what we want throughout the year?
There are so many pressures put upon us in the New Year throughout many social media platforms…
But what if we looked at the New Year in a different way?
What if we took the New Year as an opportunity to improve and develop rather than change? Why do we feel the need to change?
Well social media pressures have allot to answer for in the ‘I need to change’ department. But what if I was to tell you that you are just fine the way you are, and the best way to move into the New Year is to improve, develop, adapt and overcome? This may sound the same as resolutions, but with a different approach, you will find that you are no longer setting yourself up to fail, but to achieve and succeed?
Instead of: NEW YEAR, NEW ME Try: NEW YEAR, IMPROVED ME
Instead of: QUIT SMOKING Try: GET HEALTHY
Instead of: LOOSE WEIGHT Try: MOVE MORE
Instead of: EARN MORE MONEY Try: BUSINESS GOALS
Instead of: THIS IS THE YEAR FOR ME Try: THIS IS THE YEAR TO IMPROVE
By re-evaluating how we look at the year ahead, we can begin to set achievable goals that will improve not only how we feel about the year to come, but also feel more confident in tackling the goals you want to achieve.
Whether this be love, health, life purpose, business, education, family, by setting goals we can break the goals into manageable sections to improve, develop and achieve.
So, break it down…do you need to invest in education? Do you need to work smarter not harder? Do you need to set yourself apart from the rest of the competition in your industry?
Look at the specific areas that you need to address to achieve your goal. Break it down into manageable sections, and more importantly achievable sections.
Give yourself a reasonable and achievable time frame to achieve the break down of your goal plan and stick to it! Breaking your goals down into a manageable time frame to achieve each section, will allow you to achieve your goals and feel accomplished.
When talking about goals they should NEVER stop! You should always be aiming and moving forward toward something, this way your self-development, drive to achieve and your momentum throughout the year will continue.
How many times throughout the New Year celebrations do we hear ‘Let’s hope this year is better than last year’ or ‘2021 was a terrible year’. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the fault of the lack of achievements throughout the year, is not with the year, the fault lies with you! This may sound like a bitter pill to swallow, but you are to determine the successes of the year, no one else!
So, use this New Year to set goals, no matter how big or small, but make sure that when you reach the end of the year to come, you can look back with pride, and feel fulfilment that the goals you have achieved throughout the year have improved and developed you as a person, and your life as a whole!
Remember, this year doesn’t owe you anything, but you owe yourself everything!
]]>I have been contacted by a few people lately, that have experienced negative comments and private messages regarding their business and their work! So, I thought that I would put together a little post to help you with how to combat the trolls and keyboard warriors, that not only sadly exist within our industry but also in life in general.
It is only natural that people get frustrated with situations especially in the world that we find ourselves living in today, but when peoples frustrations on other matters are transferred to others for no good reason, this then causes a ripple effect! The ripple effect starts with one person’s insecurities, frustrations and negative mind set, being placed upon someone that they may not even know, through the means of a post, a comment, a review or even a PM. Trolls and keyboard warriors are people who are unfortunately set on a path of judgement and righteousness, no matter what you do.
The thing is no matter how perfect we are in communicating, how perfect your work is; as you grow as a person and your influence grows you will attract more of a following and you are therefore more likely to run into a troll or keyboard warrior.
It is vital that you understand the motivation that triggers the troll, and how quickly a trivial situation can dramatically escalate if you react in the ‘wrong’ way. It is also vital for you NEVER to take and abuse on social media to heart – you MUST focus on the positive rather than the ONE negative.
So, without further ado here are my 10 top tips on how to deal with negativity.
1. READ IT, READ IT AGAIN, AND READ IT AGAIN!
Analyse it and let someone you trust read it too!
There have been plenty of times that my initial feelings and response would have been TOTALLY different, if I had not read and re read something a few times.
The written word is a VERY different language, and some people really do not master it well! They may come across rude and angry, BUT in their mind when they were writing it, they absolutely DO NOT mean it the way it reads.
2. HAVE EMPATHY
This is one of the hardest to master. When someone is being wrongfully rude to you, the first thing you want to do is defend and then attack. But, if you try to see things from their perspective, it will gain a better understanding for you to try and see what angle they have come from, it does NOT mean that you have to agree! But it will help for you to be able to process. Not only that, it will make you the bigger person, and that is NEVER a bad thing!
3. DO NOT ENGAGE
I know it is easy to feel the need to defend yourself and I am all for being empowered and standing up for yourself. However, when it comes to the internet; it is - most of the time - just better to keep calm.
With 'do not engage' I am not saying ignore it completely (although - why not?!) but if you feel the need to reply then do it with grace and avoid ANY words which could be interpreted as an attack. Make sure you acknowledge their 'opinion' with respect even if they had none for you!
4. STAY CALM
Rant and rave to the people around you about it but online to the person OR talking ABOUT the person in groups; stay calm. It might be one of the hardest things to do but the good thing about the online world is; you can type, re-read it, and edit a few times before you actually post your reply.
If you need to have a real vent; RING people who 'get' it and talk to them - talking about it is SO different than writing about it - it will help you form a better reply too if you do this first.
Make sure though you don't do this with people who LOVE drama as they will just fire you up more.
You need it to be someone who understands AND gives you some balance in your reply.
5. STAY AWAY FROM DRAMA
Some people just WANT drama, they need it in their life. So no matter how calm and collected you respond they will take their response overboard no matter what.
Consider replying as calm and balanced as possible and walking away - and use the HIDE COMMENT when you can - it really helps!!
Remember that the people reading will see who is balanced in their replies and who is not.
Make sure you can be proud of your reply.
6. WORRY ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION FOR THE RIGHT REASON
It can be very valuable for you as a person or business for others to see how you have handled a difficult situation. If you have dealt with the troll in a calm and concise manner, you will gain much more respect and a better reputation than your troll has intended for you!
So if you worry about your reputation, forget about this one person - think about all the people reading it and how THEY will feel from your response.
7. STOP DRAGGING IT IN THE MUD
Watch out for the 'power' of a group and people heading over to the post in question and replying to the troll.
Once you have dealt with the troll on the correct manner, put the situation to bed! You do not need to concentrate on it any longer. You cannot move forward if you keep looking back! So leave them be safe in the knowledge that you have dealt with the troll and moved on!
8. PUT IT ON A SCALE
How important - REALLY - is the comment? on a scale of 1-10.... How BAD is it REALLY?
I see people get SO upset over comments that to me - really - are not THAT bad....
Your response to it however ... number 10 on the scale of importance!
9. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Your business and what you create, is your 'baby' and any negative commentary strikes you right where it hurts. It probably also 'speaks' straight into the idea that we WANT people to like us and everything that we do.
Unfortunately (but this is really GOOD news!) you cannot change what people think. You can do your best to represent yourself and your business as well as you can BUT how they see it, feel about it or respond to it can still be the opposite of what you aimed for...
So, if you've done everything you can to be professional and you have represented yourself with pride, then claim THAT and leave the opinions of others outside of your head and heart.
10. LEARN FROM IT
EVERYTHING happens for a reason! We will learn allot from our own response and how we deal with trolls and keyboard warriors, not only about ourselves, but also how to deal with it in the future. Unfortunately, with the growth of social media and online platforms, once you have dealt with one troll there is normally another that is waiting to take their place. So, learn from your last experience and you will become stronger each time you deal with the next.
So all in all, don’t concentrate on the negative; work hard at being the best version of yourself that you can be, from that you will grow and develop and leave the troll under their bridge and behind their keyboard where they belong!
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Bullying…what a strange concept, that someone would feel it ok to intentionally make someone else feel worthless to empower themselves! But it sadly happens, everyday not only in the industry that we know and love but also in everyday life!
I am speaking from experience on bullying! I was bullied throughout my school life, and have also continued to face bullying and negativity in my professional adult life too! I am not going to sit here and tell you all of the facts and figures on bullying in the industry, because quite frankly it is not only boring, but also irrelevant! By that I mean that when you are suffering at the hands of a bully it doesn’t matter what has happened to others in the past, what does matter is what is happening to you at the time that it is happening.
I LOVE the nail and beauty industry. It is all I have ever known since the tender age of 13. I love the fact that the industry is fast moving, creative and the fact that there is something new to learn every single day! With all of the positives within the industry comes the constant pressure to perform to a high standard, the constant need to approval (from yourself, clients and fellow professionals), and the constant feeling of doubt with your creations! Being in a creative industry means that the work you create is something that you love, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that others will love it too!
Social media is an incredible tool that we all use to gain a foundation within the industry, as incredible as social media can be used as a tool to create interest and and a foot hold in the nail world, it can also have a negative impact. With an increasing following means that you are putting yourself in front of not only people that are like minded and appreciate your work but also those that see you as a threat and competition, this then gives way to negative comments and the bullying nature of other people.
It is strange that ‘social’ media can be very ‘antisocial’ at times. Not everybody will react to posts in the way that you personally would. With that comes the lack of understanding from you as to why they would post a negative comment on your work or treat you in the way that you wouldn’t dream of treating others.
So how do we deal with it?
When you are being bullied at school for example you have to face the bullies head on and be in their presence on a daily basis…but with the social media world that we now live in, it is a very different story!
It feels incredible to have support and encouragement and positivity on posts, and don’t get me wrong they are in abundance, providing you take the correct steps to surround yourself with like minded, positive and encouraging people. You could receive 100 positive comments or reactions on a post, and there could be one negative comment on the same post. It is that one negative comment that would stick with you. Why is that? Well we are looking a approval, whether we care to admit it or not, and that is why that one negative comment sticks with us.
So here is the lightbulb moment…there is nothing you can do about it! I know that sounds harsh but there is nothing we can do to change the way a person feels or acts. Have you heard the term, ‘once a bully, always a bully’, well my friends unfortunately it is true! Bullying behaviour is a habit, not a very nice one, but one that has been practiced for years and perfected by the bully, because it is a habit it has become a natural instinctive way for the bully to react to certain situations. When they are threatened, whether that be by your lifestyle, talent, or popularity they will react in the only way they know…negatively!
Just because that bully finds it natural to act in that way does not mean that you must find it natural to accept it…in fact under no circumstances should you EVER accept bullying behaviour!
So how do we deal with bullies on social media?
Are you ready for a lightbulb moment? Here goes…DELETE THEM! It is that simple!
Under no circumstances should you accept their behaviour, but you should also under no circumstances allow yourself to waste any time or energy on their negativity. If you do that…they have won!
The beauty of social media means that to remove the bully from your life it can be done in a few simple clicks. Delete the comment and delete the person! SIMPLE! Do not allow them to give you any self-doubt, do not allow them to lead you down a negative path and you can most certainly not allow them to ruin your creativity and your love for the nail world. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT!
Surround yourself with like minded nail techs that want to see each other succeed and flourish, stood shoulder to shoulder, not battling against each other! In all the groups and social media platforms I have set up, this is the ethos that we carry…I have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying a negativity!
So, take a leaf out of my book and give yourself a zero-tolerance policy to yourself and your creations! You only know how to do you, so keep doing it! Delete the bully and move forward! You cannot trip over what is behind you, so leave them behind you where they belong and move forward! Your future self will thank you for it! I promise!
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